Lighting of the Memories starts in 1994

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Written by Heather Conn

Several dozen people, cold and damp, huddle in thick coats and sweaters on a rocky beach in Snickett Park in Sechelt on January 1, 1993. As the wind hurls whitecaps towards shore, they stand in a circle around a ceremonial bonfire. Although dark clouds in a grey sky suggest soon-to-be rain, the small crowd remains dry, for now.

The voice of a lone female singer soars across the waves. Some in the gathering begin to cry. A few gaze at the swirling flames while others look out to sea. A sixtyish man in black boots bends down and stirs the fire with a long piece of driftwood.

Six years after hospice care began on the Lower Sunshine Coast, Mark Lemon, former minister at St. Hilda’s Church in Sechelt, facilitated a contemplative public ceremony of grief, letting go, and honouring the memory of loved ones. This marked the first Lighting the Memories ritual on the Sunshine Coast—the only such hospice-related event of its kind in western Canada, possibly even in Canada and beyond.

Lighting the Memories invites the public, especially those grieving the loss of someone dear, to join with others to hear heartfelt songs and publicly honour the memory of a loved one. They place handwritten cards, with loving personal tributes, into the fire as a symbolic release of the sentiments expressed. Meant as a poignant follow-up to Sunshine Coast Hospice Society’s Lights of Life campaign, Lighting the Memories uses the hundreds of cards written and displayed during the previous month’s Lights of Life event.

Lighting the Memories, held in rain or in shine, has remained an evocative annual tradition ever since. It now takes place at Mission Point Park in Davis Bay and features the Sunshine Coast’s Threshold Choir, a women’s group that sings at the bedsides of those who are dying. Today, hundreds of cards are burned and anywhere from 50 to 80 people attend, lingering after the event over home-made cookies and hot apple cider.

“A really lovely feeling”: participants appreciate tender event

“What a magical thing,” says Heather Blackwood, a co-founding hospice volunteer, of Lighting the Memories. “Other places like Whitehorse had Lights of Life trees but we hadn’t heard of anybody Lighting the Memories. Maybe they do now. That was a new initiative. I think that’s a diamond.”

She explains how participating in Lighting the Memories in 1994 held special poignancy for her. “My grandfather had died on New Year’s Day. He was 99 and was coming into his hundredth year. I had done a card for him for the [Lights of Life] tree. Part of our ceremony is that anyone who would like to can take a handful of cards and put them in the fire.

“I had a handful of cards and I threw them onto the open fire. One card fell open — and it was my card to my grandfather. I just wept. There was my card, releasing what I had written. Another co-founding Hospice volunteer, Rosemary [Hoare] came up. ‘That’s my grandpa’s card.’ She gave me a big hug. There was an eagle right ahead. My card, of all those cards, and there was grandpa just connecting with me. People tell about these experiences all the time that they’ve had that have been facilitated through hospice. I think that’s something that is hugely to be celebrated.”

Hoare, interviewed in 2014 at age 93, shared her impression of the Lighting the Memories ceremony. “There’s a really lovely feeling there. Everyone comments on it. It’s genuine and it’s true. It’s a very special time. It usually rains and blows a great wind and it’s howling and the waves crash in. That actually adds to it. It’s very beautiful.”

Grant Thompson, former hospice volunteer and board president, described Lighting the Memories in 2007, “There is something uniquely special about the words spoken during the candlelit ceremony and the roar of the sea happening at the same time. It seems as if people are truly communicating with those being remembered in a very personal way. It is an honour to recall those who have touched our lives. Their memories will live with us forever.”

Hoare chuckled while recalling her husband Eric’s participation in Lighting the Memories and a related comment by another Sunshine Coast Hospice volunteer and co-founder, Mary Macdonald. “Eric was the person who used to make the fire [for Lighting the Memories]. Since it was usually always raining, he would bring dry wood. To start it, he would have sticks in a tin with coal oil so that it would go quickly. When he died, Mary Macdonald said, ‘Eric is lighting fires in heaven.’ I always remembered that. It was sort of sweet.”

Origins of local Lighting the Memories

Hoare recalled how the idea for Lighting the Memories came about:

“I said to the group, ‘What are we going to do about the [Lights of Life] cards?’ Somebody said, ‘Why don’t we light them on fire and let all the messages and the hopes and dreams of people go up into the ether?’ I said, ‘That’s a brilliant idea, but where are we going to do it?’ We couldn’t figure it out. ‘Well,’ they said, ‘we can’t do it in somebody’s backyard. You can’t have the whole of Sechelt trotting through somebody’s backyard.’ There was a young girl, a dental assistant, who said, ‘Why don’t we do it down by the sea?’

“Ever since then, we’ve lit the memories. It’s become a ceremony. It’s a lovely one. We brought thermoses of hot mulled wine and apple juice and stuff like that. Cookies. That was sort of convivial. We stood around. Because it’s so informal, the children come and the dogs come and the dogs all sniff at each other. They don’t ever fight. They just enjoy each other. People walk by and smile and think: What is this all about? It’s fun.”

Former Hospice volunteer coordinator Bernadette Richards described the symbolic significance of Lighting the Memories in The Local on Dec. 25, 2013: “As one year ends and another begins, it seems fitting to gather at a place where we can celebrate the four elements – fire, air, water, earth – and the four directions. It’s a great way of setting memories free and welcoming new possibilities.”

Lighting of the Memories, 2013